We Are Football Angels

So I get this call from a loyal PK Kool-Aid drinking sycophant on Christmas day. (He really didn’t want to be directly quoted herewith so that’s why “sycophant” makes me giggle.) So anyway, Jim Unnamed Source tells me

"Why do these dumb-ass kids always have to F things up so bad? Pittman and Wells (the good one) were at a goddamn fundraiser last night. A fundraiser!? Are you freaking kidding me? It’s pounded into their heads not to do shit like this. It’s pounded into their parent’s heads too. Dammit. I’m hung over. Pass the Absolut Citron. Shit.”

Bottom line is that we were all at least a little worried that these two kids were going to get suspended for the NC. Thanks to a quick thinking fundraiser attendee, a call to the coaching staff was made and the alarms went off. The players and their families took no money instead donating it the local peewee football program.

The aforementioned dumbasses have been cleared and will play in Arizona. Whew. That was a close one. Maybe tOSU should use some of the bajillion dollars the football program produces to provide 24/7 chaperones for these kids. Or perhaps they could invent a sub dermal chip that detects an impending illegal payment and delivers the player enough volts to make them lose all bowel control immediately with the force of a raging river.

If I don’t make it back here before, Happy New Year to you all. Have fun, be safe.

(HT:11W & MotSaG)

Yule Log...Giggle

I think that we can all agree that Santa is magic. Can’t we? Covering the world in such a short time with a bag full of goods for brats worldwide. So if he’s magic, instead of going to all that trouble why can’t he just twinkle his veiny red nose and make it happen while sitting on his fat derriere drinking very strong cocktails of the bourbon variety….

Speaking of that, I’m on my way home shortly to start a weekend of very similar activities. I’ll manage to keep my shit together well enough at the requisite family functions, but just barely.

Anyway. I’ll do my best to check in over the weekend. Here’s wishing you and yours a very merry and safe Christmas. May the cocktails be plentiful, your teams cover the spread, your stockings be stuffed and your annoying relatives stranded in Denver. Cheers to you all.

Go Buckeyes.

tOSU hoops by 10 over the Gators

Note: Coming next week, I’ll unveil some plans for a new sports-o-tainment blog for ’07 that some buddies and I are doing. (TR & Buffington, I’ll holla) Don’t worry Deadspin or Kissing Suzy, you guys are probably safe. For now, MAWAHAHAHAH!

Donald Trump is Honorable, Giver.

I would officially like to thank The Donald for giving Miss USA Tara Connor a second chance. She’d been running around acting like every 20-year-old, super-nova hot pageant winner should; Drinking and cavorting until all hours of the Manhattan morning with her roommate. Note: Her roommate is none other than 18-year-old, super-nova hot Miss Teen USA winner Katie Blair.

Seems that Tara was seen pounding down drinks and making out with Katie at NYC hot spots. RAWR. They were also seen dancing provocatively on the tables and carrying out other humanitarian and valorous activities. If this isn’t upholding the duties and conduct required of their respective crowns, then I don’t want to know what those are.

Maybe The Donald can help us out and combine the competitions into one broadcast next year. We’ll have the standard talent, swimsuit and evening gown segments, but then we can integrate a portion of the evening that I’d call something like: Miss USA and Miss Teen contestants pair off, pound a couple glasses of wine, have a pillow fight and let’s just see where this thing goes.” I’ll work on the title, but the concept – Solid.

I tip my hat to you Donald, and I thank you. I’ll be sitting right here at my desk for the next several minutes or so if you need me. I can’t really get up. Know what I mean?

Touching the Buckeye Base today.
Count down to the Desert – 18 days (20 ‘til kick)

Buckeye Basketball
The Buckeyes put the wood to the Iowa State Cyclones by 20 tonight. Grown-Ass Man Greg Oden gets one more tune up game before letting the defending national chumps, Florida, have a piece. That tennis player’s kid, Noah, is going to take one look at Oden and wish he had a spot on the Gator tennis team. Like ball washer. Update: With Leather also weighs in on the equine unit of Oden.

PK

Stuff and such

I’m going to use the same excuse used by so many for why I haven’t posted since –gasp-- last week. “Hey Man, you know, it’s the holidays. It’s been crazy with all the shopping and holiday parties, scouring the house for re-gifting ideas, and main-lining eggnog.” It’s all a lie, but it sounds good. This, so far, has been a fairly low maintenance Christmas season. My lack of production herein is due to the fact of me being one lazy SOB. I’m just sort of biding my time until the Mrs. and I venture to the desert for the Championship. I plan to step it up as we draw closer to that glorious day. I might even bust off some on-sight reporting. “Reporting live from Tempe embedded with these other drunk assholes, I’m Mr. Penalty Kill.” Anyone else going?

Just a few items to amuse and/or annoy you. (read: fill space. So sue me)

Genius

It is highly questionable to go to an art museum with your buddies. Unless, of course you plan on looking for sublime photo-ops such as this. Turning a painting of JC into a YMCA cheer is beautiful beyond words. With fellows like this looking for these types of opportunities, I submit we are all winners.


Dear Santa

Maybe Papa Noel will bring you one of these for Christmas. Note to Mrs. PK, I’m just joking! Who would really want that? I mean come on. (Believable?)




Haiku for you

Fellow Buckeye Fans
See you in Arizona
We’ll skin Gators

PK out.

Slacker

I was going to write about this too. Problem is that sometimes I'm about as quick on the trigger as Charlie Weis is on a treadmill. So I’ll let some other folks comment on Brady “I so want to be like dreamboat Tom Brady but I fear my love for wearing pink lace panties and stalking Liza Minelli might hold me back” Quinn winning the Maxwell Award for football player of the year over the deserved winner, your Troy Smith.

As always MotSaG is right there with the goods.

Eleven Warriors, POJO have nice recaps of this award and others.

But I REALLY like this one. The boys over a The M Zone have a take too. These guys love to bash on tOSU for being overly rednecked, overly mustached, overly beered, overly everything. But they are usually funny and have this one right.

Someday I would really like to grow up and be a quick, on-the-money, diligent blogger like these guys. I’d also really like to see a picture of Hillary Clinton shaving her testicles too. I doubt either will happen. (heads up IndyBuckeye)



Heisman
If things go like planned tomorrow, Troy Smith will hear something like this: Here’s your trophy, you freaking badass. Please strike a pretty pose for your complimentary portrait, or a pose of you pretending to do the crazy Smack Dat Ass dance on LLLLLLoyd Carr. Please take your place in history. Congratulations young man you’ve done well.

Lurking in the corner

I’m not sure what the talk in Central Ohio is, but I can tell you what it’s like out here in the hinterlands. It’s non-stop talk about who is playing Ohio State in the National Championship, or who should be. “Wishigan is the 2nd best team in the country and should get a second chance.” Or “Florida has earned the right to take a crack at Ohio State.” Blah Blah Blah. It’s a rare conversation that includes any more talk about the Buckeyes than them being the other team. Oh and that Meatchicken came in to Columbus and only lost by 3 points to the number 1 team on a very hostile home field. You know what? This is fine with me. I hope that this talk continues for 34 more days.

Please, oh great and wise pundits, forget that Ohio State is a great team and is waiting quietly over in the corner, shining up the ball gag and putting sand in the Vaseline. Just drooling over the chance to cram about 50 points into Urban Meyer’s balloon-knot. (that’s for you POON)

We’ve got so much time to fold spindle and mutilate the stats of these two teams, I’ll save that for later. Just keep talking about Florida and who is not there. Please.


On a personal note: My family lost our matriarch yesterday. A vibrant lady who never had a cross word for anyone. Her version of the “F-word” was "fiddlesticks." She was 90 years old and lived a great life for all but about two months of them. We’ll miss her. I’m using this forum to mention Grandma not for sympathy comments but to say this (actually taking a cue from Mrs. PK.) Be sure to tell your loved ones that they are indeed loved ones, and do it often. Here ends the sappy portion of tonight’s broadcast.



To liven up this thing up and end on a high, I’ll leave you with a punchline from one of my favorite jokes.

“Know it?! I wrote the Mother Fu....!”

leave me comment if you need the first part of the joke. loser.

It's official

I SUCK.

Way to go Penalty Kill. Good job on early calling the dumbass Trojans. Shit.

GO Florida.

Man, Do I Blow.

Reporting from the field

I’m Penalty Kill reporting from points foreign. Today, Orlando. These people (read…Hill Jack F’s with about as many teeth as Troy Smith has interceptions on the season) keep talking some silly shit, but I digress.

Anyway, I’m on the road again and these dumbasses want to see a rematch. Fuck that! Come on, I’m in Florida. How ‘bout talking about your precious Gaytors getting a piece of the Buckeyes. Why do these Jerry Springer Fluffers want to see a G#$ D&^% rematch?

Please won’t someone do something to finalize the other spot in the National Championship already? I’m tired of waiting. Mrs. PK is tired of waiting. The dogs of Mr. & Mrs. PK are tired of waiting. We are ticketed and paid up for gosh dang Glendale, let’s get on with this bitch already.

Jeez! Just sayin'

With that said, Fight on USC, Fight on.

Not that I want my Buckeyes to face you specifically. Just saying.

No Blue. Really NO Blue.

Your Booty Stinks

Since Surfer Pete and his ribbed for her pleasure Trojans are a formality away from a return visit to the National Championship, let’s start looking at Southern Cal. I’m pretty sure I’m not jinxing them. They’re 2 touchdown favorites over cross-town rivals, UCLA. The Westwood Blue Boys ripped off an impressive 4 straight conference losses mid year before pulling their season out of the ditch, to a current 6-5. To be fair they are coming off a road win at ASU and prior to that a Bobby Brown on Whitney Houston bitch slapping of Oregon State. The same Oregon State that beat USC. I know the USC fan will say it was only a scoreboard victory and that the refs had something to do with it. Scoreboard. Having said all that, I think this weekend’s game at the Rose Bowl will be more like the 66-19 of a year ago than the closer games in years before.

So it’s certainly not too early to start with the “Booty” jokes in honor of Southern Cal QB, J. D. Booty. Please join in the fun. I’ll start. Let’s see….how ‘bout.

Buckeyes make a Booty call.

Or perhaps

Surfer Pete puts his Booty in motion



Your turn. I didn't want to take all the good ones. I'm cool like that.

Ok trojanhorse, game on.

Job opening

Looks like the U will be searching for a new warden/zoo keeper/truant officer/scumbag wrangler. They dumped Head Coach Larry Coker today. I'm pretty sure he'll look back on this and wonder just how in the world he got out of there alive. I hear that he is now looking for a much easier job than trying to guide those criminals, like Killer Whale Proctologist

SWEET

Too far ahead of the National Championship game to be a jinx.

Troy, Next stop New York City. Bring it home.

I am insane now

Seriously. I’m a freaking nutbag. We’ve been in God’s country for a little more than a day now and I can’t take it anymore. So this one will be short and sweet.

My boy DER, one of the biggest Buckeye fans I know and consummate pessimist has tOSU losing tomorrow. Stating that scUM’s defensive front four will be able to pressure Troy Smith on their own leaving the rest of the ugly-uniformed-yellow-pants-wearin’-stupid-winged-helmet-mother-f…to lock down the rest of the Buckeye’s offense. Also, between the double threat of Hart and Henne to Manningham, our defense that hasn’t really been tested will give up several big plays. He’s saying something like 24 –13. He’s very knowledgeable about the topic, but here’s the good news. He always has the Buckeye’s losing. Every game this year, save for a couple like Illinois and NW, he’s had Ohio State coming up short. It’s how he rolls.

So this is good news. I’ll take the Bucks. Give me strong performances by Heisman Trophy winner Troy Smith (and his feet), Gonzo, Robiskie, Pittman and Beanie Wells (who will hold on to the ball.) Meatchicken’s offense will rue the day that they ever heard the names Laurinaitis, Gohlston, Pitcock and Antonio Smith. GOLD PANTS BABY! YEAH!

It is with that I say "someone get me a drink and a dark closet where I can sit and rock back and forth in while mumbling, 'thank God it’s not John Cooper, thank God it’s not John Coop…..'"

I can’t take it.

The Ohio State University – 34
the scUM – 17

“So let’s win that old conference now.”

GO BUCKEYES BEAT BLUE

The Game Week & Stuff

So much for "stepping it up" during Meatchicken Week like I had hoped. Facts are that I, like many others, am starting to lose my damn mind over this game. Actually work is benefiting from this. Strange as it may seem, pouring myself into my job is keeping my mind occupied. I know. Concentrating on work. Crazy shit huh?

So I’m taking this little break to give you what I know you’ve been longing for. You’ve been saying, ‘What pray tell does the venerable Penalty Kill have to say about The Game.’ First of all, get a hold of yourself.

I’ve got a just few items for you.

Please check out The Buckeye Expat for some strong comparisons between QBs and others. This is how pregame analysis is supposed to be done. Based on these numbers I’m hoping it comes down to the quarterbacks. By the way, thanks to the miracle of html, links, internet, whatever, I don’t have to try to churn this kind of work out.

Next: So the Buckeyes are supposed to win this thing. The line is 6 ½. Seems like a crapload of points to have to give up. Normally home field advantage in college football is worth 2 – 3 points. This isn’t normally though. If I were really great at this blogging thing, I’d go find out how the road underdog has done in this rivalry. Just saying, seems like a lot.

Item third: I know I took some playful jabs at Columbus recently but I’m getting tired of hearing how awful our fans are. Yes I’ve seen some bad behavior. In the past I might have been less than a gracious host. But it can’t be the majority, as folks seem to think it is, can it? My request of you, Buckeye Fan, is if you see anyone acting like an asshole. Say something to them like, “Knock it off, jackass. Act you belong here.” I promise you, I will. There are lots of folks that will be doing the same thing. We may not lose the reputation, but we can do our best to make it a false one.

Last: The lovely Mrs. PK and I are leaving tomorrow for Columbus. I can’t wait to get back home to feel the vibe of the city as this game approaches. I’ll also need that time to fill up bags with feces and urine to fling at unsuspecting Meeeshigan fans on Saturday. Oh wait, scratch that.

GO BUCKEYES – Beat blue.

Pre NU and stuff

Here’s a picture of a football coach. Instead of some generic dad who coaches his kid's Pop Warner team imagine that he’s Illinois head coach Ron Zook. And instead of having a handful of that kid’s jersey pretend he’s got GIANT bags of money ready to hand out to great receivers from across the damn country. Seen over on Deadspin this afternoon is this story about one Arrelious Benn. Highly sought after high school baller from D.C. Rivals.com has him ranked as the #1 receiver and 9th over-all playah. Trying to pick between ND and FSU. Illinois Arrelious? Really? It is with raised eyebrows (I wish I could do the one raised eyebrow trick like Mr. Spock) that I question his decision. Oh sure, Illinois is a program on the rise with a solid future ahead of them……Blah freaking Blah. The Candyman has come to Arrelious with open wallet. Just sayin’.

The Aforementioned Pregame Entry Commenceth.

Northwestern huh? Ryan Field in suburban Chicago. Ohio State is favored by twenty-something. Give the points to whomever will take them. This, dear reader, is going to be what I like to call an Ass Whoopin. Even Tressel-ball won’t be able to slow our boys down.

Butkus Award finalist and tattooed badass James “My dad isn’t the only one who can do an atomic elbow drop off the top turnbuckle” Laurinaitis will score. As will my boy Antonio Smith. That’s 2 TDs for the defense.

Take it to the bank. Plus, if I’m wrong, I can always just come back and edit this later.

tOSU – 38
NU – 10


Ok, Stop with the bald kitty jokes. You're better than that.

My Bitches and Homeys

Since I’m relatively new to your nation of Blogastavia, I will tell you a couple of the things that I have learned. I have learned to plagiarize if possible and post anonymously when saying something provocative, among many other things. One of the things I have missed the boat on however is posting a Blog roll (Or a list of folks out there that I feel the need to tip my hat to.) These folks all get nearly daily visits from me and deserve to get visits from many more folks. My intention is to try to keep up with these guys after football season is complete. You know tOSU has a little basketball team we might like to follow, etc. But if, by chance, I peter out like Pee Wee Herman at a Jenna Jameson Festival, these boys won’t miss a beat. Budump shoosh. Thank you, Thank you. I’ll be here all week, try the veal.

In no particular order - click here or over here on the right-->
MotSaG
Death Cab For Woody
Double Deuce
BBC
Eleven Warriors
POJO Dojo
Buckeye Blog
The 614
The Buckeye Expat
Around the Oval
PFEF
My Casual Thoughts
Buckeye Commentary

I’ll do a little pregame tomorrow for Northwestern. I sure hope the team cares a hell of a lot more than I do. The Mrs. and I head to C-bus in less than a week and it’s about all I can think about. Thanks again.

Go Buckeyes.

We kick Morgantown's ass

All right, there. I said it. I'm tired of defending Columbus. We are without a doubt the best couch-burning-riot-having-redneck-town ever. Morgantown, WV? Please. What other city prepares for the biggest battle since they started making footballs oblong by deputizing the garbage collectors as Couch Sheriffs? So here’s to you, denizens of our fair burg. You make a man proud. From the Dogpatch:

If trash collectors spot a couch, they are asked to call code-enforcement officers. More than 200 citations have been issued since a citywide ban on porch couches began 17 months ago, said Development Director Mark Barbash.

Also. I can’t find this on youtube.com so go to this enemy site and watch a clip from the Daily Show, when they were at The Ohio State University. Funny stuff.

That's what she said

The beautiful Mrs. Penalty Kill has been to exactly two college football games in the entirety of her young life. First, the glorious Ohio State win over hated Miami in the National Championship Game. I mean this was her first college football game EVER. What a way to start. (side note: I rock. I know this because I took my then girlfriend to a game like that. I know. Total badass.)

And the second one was…you ask? Texas at Ohio State. (See the above statement about my badassedness and replace “girlfriend” with “wife.”)

Since then she’s started to watch a lot of the games and has really begun to get into it. For getting such a late start, she’s becoming quite the college football fan. Even to the point of watching games not involving tOSU. I’ve said all this just to set up that she’s pretty new at this. Agreed? Good.

As you may have read earlier I was out of town this weekend and had to get some updates via telephone from her. It was with a fair amount of pride and a roughly equal part recoil I heard her say,

“Ohio State looks like shit!” (Paraphrasing a bit from here on.) “Troy Smith looks like shit, plus that kid you like so much #28, fumbled and looks like shit.” “They’re letting Illinois stay in this game.” “I thought Illinois was supposed to suck.” “Tressel better let these kids know that there is another game between now and the game that they are obviously thinking about right now.” “If they play like this against Michigan, we’re going to get our asses kicked.” “Hey look, there’s a sale at Penney’s”

My only point here is that if she can see it so plainly then it must be true. The Buckeyes escaped Champagne-Urbana (dumb name) with their lives. And clearly looked "like shit."

As my boy DER said, it is like we went from two eventualities – a 13th game and a Heisman for TS – to none. I really hope Troy has a couple of very strong games and gets his Trophy and that this game didn't hurt him too badly. Though, I'm sure every QB winner has had a questionable game along the way. As for the other, our Buckeyes need to heed my bride’s advice…Get your shit together, kick Northwestern’s asses until they’re purple, then get pumped for UM, and finally never wear horizontal stripes if you are a large woman. All very sound, I think.

I plan to be kicking it up a notch over the next week so check back soon. That is until we leave Texas for Columbus next Wednesday. GO BUCKS.

Illinois Pre-game

Once again, I'm having to miss a game due to work. What the....? It's really starting to get my bloomers in a bunch. I'm out in Seattle, (the land of DeathCab, sup dude?) which means there are football games on at 9:ooam. Which normally would blow, but since I'm not able to see much football this weekend I'll take what I can get. Even if it is Wishconsin v State Penn or Texas Tech v. Baylor.

Two side notes. If you haven't looked into the kook that is Mike Leach the head coach of Texas Tech yet. Do your funny bone a favor and check him out. He is more than just a creator of one of the most tricked up crazy-assed teams you'll see but he's a huge fan of pirates. That's a lower case "p." Not the Pittsburgh baseball team or anything like that he's a fan of the old school "Arrrrrgggghhh, Shiver me timbers you scallawag" type pirate. In fact each off season he chooses to learn about some other topic. Such as Geronimo, Daniel Boone, whales, chimpanzees, grizzly bears. This dude cracks me up.

Second side note. I just saw the Nissan commercial about the Heisman Trophy. The Buckeye Blog had a week or so ago, but I must've missed it. I like it a lot. But our mascot isn't really very tough so they just had to make is as big as former planet Pluto and roll over everyone. Not a bad analogy by Nissan, but sometimes I do wish we had a tougher mascot. Like Indiana, er uh, oh hell. Watch the video.










OSU - 39
Ill - 10

This just in.

Looks like Sparty is sick and tired of having a crappy football team. So instead of shit-canning the entire program like they should they are taking the easy way out.

The are firing J. L. Smith today effective at the end of the season.

I sorta called this, which makes me pretty smart. Not really, I just like seeing that in print. I'll go off line now and write some more really cool crap about myself.

Rock the vote

Go here - Vote for Troy – and do your duty as a Buckeye. If you aren’t a Buckeye do it anyway. As Wilford Brimley once said, “it’s the right thing to do.” It doesn’t matter if he was talking about Quaker Oats or snuffing out Tom Cruise, I think it translates here.

Here’s the skinny. (I didn’t know this or at least didn’t remember.) In 1999, The Heisman Trophy folks decided to develop a “special program” to allow we, the huddled masses, to have a say in the vote. Pretty cool, huh? We get one. ONE! We don’t each get one -- we get to share one. So why not have our guy win that one vote? Last I checked, somewhere around 100,000 votes have been cast and TS is getting the shit kicked out of him by that kid at WVU by like 500%. He’s number two but barely ahead of future bikini model, Brady Quinn. Heck even the Mormons have revved up their PCs at the Tabernacle and put their guy in 4th.

Let’s help pull this thing out of the ditch. Pass the word around. Thanks to The Buckeye Blog for the heads up.

The ballot is supposed to be set up so you can only vote once per week, but if you clear out your cookies/history you can keep voting.

By the way -- One more Heisman Trophy for the Buckeyes and they’ll be tied for the lead with ND and USC with 7.

No thanks!

Ok, let me just say this first so as to keep from getting in Dutch with the Karma Monkey. Hypothetically speaking. Let’s just say that neither the Buckeyes nor the UM Skunk Bears barf on themselves, and both arrive in the Shoe for the battle of the millennium, November 18th unscathed. There. I should be good now.

I think I’m alone in this one. Seriously, does anyone else not want a second Ohio State v. Meatchicken game this year? I’ve heard it referenced several times, in Ohio State blogs, news groups, my family, I even think the ESPN folks have floated it out. So maybe it’s just me. But I don’t want anything to do with such an idea. Oh yeah, from the outside it probably looks like a terrific idea. Two storied programs sticking it to the rest of the college football world by playing two times in a row. The first one for the Big Ten title, the next for the National Championship and complete sovereignty over the entire known universe.

For me The Game is The Game. It shouldn’t be sullied, particularly by a second match-up in the same season. Part of my problem with this comes from a “glass-half-empty” perspective. And that is, what if the Buckeyes were to lose? Can you imagine the decades of hearing the Meeeeshigan people reminding us that we can forget about our regular season record because they own us in National Championships? The HORROR. I’d rather watch Rosie O’Donnell do nude squat thrusts than have to hear that from Them. Ok sure, we could and should win a game like that but is it worth the risk? I can take a loss to a Pac10 or SEC team much easier that a loss to TTUN.

I'd like to think that the Buckeyes will school them in the Shoe and be done with it. Let us then move on to kicking the shit out of, say West Virginia, or Louisville, or any one of a number. I don’t care, you pick one, just not Mistagain. I’m already a nervous wreck about this year’s scheduled Game. Heaven forbid, if I had to put my dear wife through another month of sphincter tightening, hand wrenching, binge drinking and possibly a new crack or heroine problem. I’m quite sure I couldn’t handle it.

I’m usually a “half-full” guy so this is a weird stance from me. It’s neither really well thought out nor well argued but it’s the way I feel, so there. I will stomp my feet and hold my breath if you don’t like.

The Buckeye Blog is looking forward to deciphering the possibilities of how this game could happen.

Hypothetically speaking of course.

No TV for you.

By the way, to the boys at The M Zone, good luck with the live play-by-play blogging you are talking about doing this weekend. Very ambitious. My advice? Go to a bar and drink like any respectable Big 10er should do. They do have bars in A2 right? It’s a rhetorical question, because I know that there are bars there. I half remember being in one. I was one of those loud mouthed, drunken, cammo wearing, belligerent tOSU fans you all like to talk about. Hey at least I admit it. I’ve changed a lot since my school days. I don’t wear cammo anymore.

I smell varmit poon.....

My dad is a former OSU Marching Band member and a past “i Dotter” to boot. So this item means a lot to my family and me. The list of non-TBDBITL “i Dotters” is a short one. Folks like Bob Hope, former tOSU Presidents Gee and Fawcett, former band director Droste and some fellow named Wayne Woodrow “Woody” Hayes have been honored with the opportunity to be led to the top of the i by the drum major during Script Ohio. Now the Golden Bear, or as he was once called “the Blob O” will have that honor tomorrow during the Buckeyes homecoming game. I do hope that the TV folks recognize how cool this is and let us folks out here in the hinterlands see it.

This is hallowed ground Jack and you deserve it. Just remember what our TBDBITL brothers say, "Pick Up Your Feet, Turn Your Corners Square, and Drive, Drive, Drive!" Or as the TBDBITL Alumni say, “At least don’t fall down.” (right Dad?)

Keeping it in the family.

My dad’s dad, played football at the University of Minnesota. So I’ve always had a little love for the Gophers. He played back in the days when helmets were optional. As if those minimally padded leather WWI pilot helmets thingies were going to protect much. His nose was spread around his face a bit too, proof that face masks were not only not invented yet, but also for pussies. Family lore has it that he played against former President Gerald Ford from Meatchicken. So it is with no hard feelings that I say that the Buckeyes will kill them on Saturday. tOSU will rack up at least 45 points on the Gophers and win with ease. Happy homecoming.

Buckeyes – 48
Gophers – 10

I Don't Feel Tardy

The theme today children, is “better late than never.” Since I’ve never claimed to be on the cutting edge of blogging, technology or anything for that matter, I’m just now getting to these items. First off is one Antonio Smith. Damn it, do I like this kid!

Antonio Smith, a fifth-year senior and former walk-on from Beechcroft High School, gained the defensive honor after a career-high 12 tackles, including a sack, as the OSU defense put the clamps on Indiana quarterback Kellen Lewis.

There are a freakin’ plethora of douche bags playing college football. Even our beloved tOSU has had a couple. So it’s nice to see when a kid comes through like this one. It’s a common enough story, city kid who is raised by his Granny, who brings him up with the right mixture of tough love and paddling his ass. But this kid is a role model. He began his Ohio State career as a walk-on and after four years gets the scholarship love. All the while, making the most of his non-scholarship time working hard and keeping his nose clean, yet he has enough flare to mix in a little high-step on the way to scoring on an interception in the State Penn game. (Even though he claims he didn't mean to do it if he did) It hit me today when I read this in the Dogpatch.

"I’m not a star or anything. I’m just an average player, an average guy in mechanical engineering just trying to fulfill my responsibility the best I can."

I was the exact same way when I was at Ohio State -- except replace “Mechanical Engineering” with “Sleeping off a hangover and missing classes” and “fulfill my responsibility” with “Sleep off a hangover so I can go out this afternoon and get hammered.”

Welcome to adulthood young man, you can be proud of yourself.

Ode to the Statue of Liberty Play

It's about a week old or so, but this is one crazy-assed play. Watch how this running back crab-walks up behind the line, hiding behind the linemen who are setup cheek to cheek.

Football Talk

Minnestoma - I'll do my best to muster up the strength to talk about this game later in the week. As if anyone gives a damn. This one and others are just stepping stones to get to the "game of the millennium" on 11/18. Wake me up then.

Pregame and Stuff

Thanks to alert TPK Kool-aid drinker, JB, who took a well-needed break from his high-powered job as Chief Unicorn Tinkle Collector to find this very funny clip. You might have also seen on a little site called gorillamask but don’t worry about that so much right now.



It might only be funnier if in the background Lloyd Carr was getting bitch-slapped by Phyllis Diller, Andrew Dice Cay and couple of chimps in WWE Raw Cage Match.


Ok…So…Now it’s the weekend and the little Hoosiers come to the ‘Shoe with BIG hopes. Can we all agree that the Buckeyes just need to keep from falling asleep in this game? (And the others between now and November 18th for that matter.) I’d be tickled to see a first half consisting of about 35 points for tOSU. Then let's get some more quality mop-up time for the 2nd and 3rd stringers in the third stanza. Finally, how 'bout we give Brutus and the cheerleaders some reps in the fourth. So much for IU pre-game coverage from me.

tOSU – 54
IU – 14

Midweek Prattle Redux

A couple items that are making my brain itch. So please humor me while I scratch.

It is time to head up to the local Sears to buy a new washer and dryer set. Pretty interesting how the two decided to die at the exact same damn time. Tell the JFK and 9-11 folks we’ve got a hot conspiracy down here in Dallas. Were the two talking to each other? Both were made by Maytag. Hmmmm. I too am blaming it on the Cubans or the Mob, or both. Yeah….Both.

There’s TONS of new “Personal Domicile Laundry” technology these days. I’m pretty sure you can program these new sets to teleport your clothes from the hamper upstairs to the washer, then dry, fold and put ‘em away before your Hungry Man dinner is done. Can all those options and electronics be necessary? Probably not, except of course for if it can also tell me when I’m running low on beer, weed or nacho fixings.

Ants In His Pants in Bloomington

I’m very pleased for Terry Hoeppner, Hoosier head coach. He’s successfully undergone brain surgery in the last year. Not just once, but twice. Which is great, as I can’t imagine the trauma, rehab and unfortunate hair that would accompany the surgeries. One problem, though, I think the doctors must’ve had a part left over when they closed him back up. You know when you put together the crappy particleboard entertainment center from Wal-mart and have those 2 screw-like items left? Like that.

The pieces missing from his brain have to do with the area that makes him remember he’s the coach of INDIANA. A win at Illinois (stinko yes, but it was on the road) and a big upset when Iowa visited last week tell the tale. He clearly doesn’t remember that he’s not supposed to get his kids whipped up into a frenzy and think they could beat Ohio State. They should be going to class and watching Gene Hackman movies instead.

"Some people called it an upset last week, and I guess, technically, it was," Hoeppner said. "If we win the game this week, it would probably be considered an upset again. But that’s what we’re intending to do."

“Probably”?? Damn straight Brutha. That would be an upset of an epic proportion.

Well that’s the last thing we need. I know the Buckeyes are favored by 30 points this week, but this guy is walking around with a brain built by a committee that is filled with crazy ideas. Is there a brain doctor in the house?

Thuggery at the U, Really?

What did this idiot do to get a job broadcasting football games? Lamar Thomas should be the anchorman for the South Florida Penitentiary closed-circuit 6 o’clock “Watch Your Ass – Eyewitness News,” not a sideline reporter in the real world. This dude was a punk scumbag extraordinaire when he was a “playah” at the U. He hasn’t changed. I know you’ve heard the story, if not, go here. So back to my question. What did this turd do to get a job at Comcast? Has anyone seen the interviewer since the interview, or did they just take Thomas’ word for it that the interviewer really said

"'My shit were good and I should be on the TV like a mutha-f…’”

They got what they deserved.

Come to think of it, Hey #13 Former Denver Bronco! We’ve got a gig for you after your hitch in the Gray-Bar Hilton is over. You too can be a sideline dumbass…er reporter, though not in the Big Ten. We’ll need you to go down south, way down south.


I’ll chime in on the looming dogfight with the Hoosiers a little later. I know they think that after this week the Big10 will be the Big 3 and the Little 8. However, they might want to tap the breaks just a little on that. More later. Go Bucks.

Hasta La Vista, Senor Smith

I'm never one to mess with a man's livelihood. He should be able to do his job, feed his family, pursue life, liberty and happiness etc. Even if he is really shitty at doing his job, as long as it doesn’t affect me, who am I to say one way or the other?

So far John L. Smith, MSU head coach, hasn’t really bothered me too much. I did hate how he choked against Notre Dame, like Mama Cass on a ham sammy. But all in all I’m fine with him.

Now, having said all that if, as collateral damage from a 30 point ass-stompin’ from the Scarlet and Gray tomorrow J.L. were to get the axe….I’m down with that. I would love nothing more from this weekend to have the Buckeyes hang half a hundred on Sparty and come back home uninjured and happy. If that goofy ass coach up there loses his gig for it, darn.

So here’s to you folks at SackSmith. May you get your wish and hear the Buckeye Battle Cry in your dreams.

tOSU – 42
Sparty – 13

Yeah, I know. It’s a lot of points but I don’t think Tressel-ball can slow down TS , TG2, Gonzo and the boys

Coming to a Ryan's Steakhouse

This just in.

From the Austin Statesman -

Bevo XIII, longest tenured Texas mascot dies. AUSTIN — Bevo XIII, the longest-tenured mascot in Texas Longhorn history, is gone to the big ranch in the sky.

The retired mascot died Monday on the private ranch where he lived with his successor, Bevo XIV, the Silver Spurs spirit club announced Tuesday

Insert beef jokes here. I'll start. "Where's the beef?"

I think it was the shocker he recieved from these boys.

Sparty Schmarty

Even though it is cool (for Dallas 65 is cool), gray and rainy, which is perfect for college football season, I am non-plussed by the Buckeyes pending match-up in E.L., MI this weekend. It’s only Tuesday, so I’m sure that I’ll get a lot more worked up about it as we move through the week but right now, it’s a yawner.

Even when the Sparty’s are good, they elicit very little emotion from me. Probably because they are the weak Michigan sister. Or, because they’re from East Lansing. They’re green. Astroturf. They just seem so nondescript to me.

Oh sure, I remember a #1 Ohio State team taking one in the wedding tackle when MSU came to our Dojo in 1998. Damn you John Cooper. Still, it’s freaking Michigan State. To me MSU seems like the “special” kid on the short bus who wears a helmet, but he’s big and ornory enough that you don’t constantly pick on him, but he’s still a “special” helmet-wearin’ short bus rider.

Maybe to perk myself up, I’ll start hoping that John L. Smith will either lose his mind or his job or better yet both, after the Buckeyes whip their ass. That would make Mongo happy. Mongo like.
Like I said earlier, I know I’ll get more into it later in the week. Right now I’ve lost energy to talk about this thing.

BigBuckeye Exposed

Hi, I’m Chris Hansen from Dateline NBC. So what did you plan on doing here this afternoon?

BigBuckeye: Nothing, I was just going to talk.

But your emails to LilSweetBGSU say something different. Don’t they? You said, quote. “BGSU, why don’t you come down to my place and let’s get a little rough.” That sounds like more than just chatting to me.

BigBuckeye: Honestly I just thought BGSU needed a friend.

Then you said: “You should see the size of my defense….Would you like to see my big fat interception machine?” “Maybe you’ll let me lay you flat on your back and embarrass you in front of my friends.” You know that this is just a MAC team don’t you?

BigBuckeye: Yes, but I just wanted to hang out and get some reps for my second stringers.

Really? What did you mean by, “Wait you til I whip out my #10 on you?” And “I can’t wait to lay about 45 points on your ass?” Did you plan to even let BGSU score?

BigBuckeye: Of course, I would let them score 6, maybe even 10. Like I said, I just wanted to be friends.

After this break, Dateline NBC’s “To Catch an Ass-Whooper” we’ll ask BigBuckeye what he was after when he said. “My little Teddy is fast as lightning and will run right up your backside.”

BigBuckeye – 42
LilSweetBGSU - 9

Cocktails....Good.

This is certainly a milestone in blog history, at least in mine. As I mentioned earlier I’m on the road attending a trade show. The milestone comes in since I’ve spent 10 hours on the trade show floor glad handing, then had a three very dry Grey Goose martini dinner meeting and now I’m attempting an entry to The PK. I’ll try to be brief because after a few martinis I might be prone to ramble. Hey, look. The hated Seminoles are losing to NC State in the 4th. See, I told you.

I followed Double Deuce’s link to the SI article about the depth of tOSU’s receiving corps. I love that kind of pub. The Buckeyes are deep as hell at that position and must be giving defensive coordinators real trouble in game planning. TG2 gets so much attention that Gonzo is the leading pass catcher on the team and there are a bunch of others that need to get defensive looks too. Robiskie and Hartline to name a couple. The Buckeyes are really good at receiver, surprisingly to many.

However, and I might be nitpicking a bit, (see Martinis above,) the SI article says, “in-state rivals Bowling Green.” Rivals? Really? Not even close. First of all, Ohio State hasn’t had any in-state rivals since…..call Jack Park….in a long damned time. We played BGSU maybe 4 times in school history and won them all? My crack staff tells me that this stat is close to being correct. If you could see the rat-trap hotel in Baltimore at which I’m staying you would definitely agree that I have a “crack” staff. The Buckeyes have only a few opponents that warrant the moniker ‘rival.’ It’s a sacred term reserved for, first of all, scUM. And then in my opinion State Penn, Notre Dame and Otterbein….zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
….huh? What the….? Sleep. Need Sleep.

Can I retire yet?

Work can really get in the way of the college football season. The powers that be in the trade show world should realize that there are 12 Saturdays in the fall that should be left the hell alone. Don’t schedule your silly conventions, trade show or torture sessions on any one of them. Capiche? At least two times during the Buckeye’s season each year I find myself having to get updates via my cell phone’s internet connection, or running around the convention hall looking for a TV tuned to something other that “Conference Room Assignments at the Turdville Convention Center.” This weekend is one of those weekends. Luckily, it’s the stinko Falcons of Bowling Green.

What’s the line on this one? Probably not the 63 points that Mack Brown’s Longhorns failed to cover last week against Sam Houston State. Mack? Tsk Tsk. Why schedule a game like that? The Big Ten has a history of playing the MAC. This year the two play 19 times, with almost half being hosted by the MAC teams. Oh, and by the way they are a D1 conference. So anyway, the Buckeyes are favored by 35 points. If I have to miss watching a game, this one is the one I’d choose.

It bears noting that the Falcons have played the Buckeyes tough in the past. Now this certainly isn’t the BGSU team that took the Buckeyes to the end the game in 2003. tOSU needed a late turnover to close the deal. That BG team had a ton of seniors but this one doesn’t. So the Buckeyes should clearly kill them.

They make these computers portable now days so I’m strapping it up and taking it with me. I’ll do my best to post while I’m gone. In case I can’t…..Buckeyes 42 – Falcons 6. I reserve the right to amend my prediction, as I will undoubtedly remember that 42 points is a ridiculous amount of points to ask Coach T to roll up.

A thought about going through airport security. Would it be uncool, if when you see a person wearing scUM gear in a line near you, to tell the TSA agent that you saw that person stuff something up their butt? Probably not cool, unless of course it is the week of The Game.

Go Bucks. Work Sucks.

Is this Heaven...

Or the scene of a beating?

If you look on the Iowa map you’ll see something very interesting in a state that is littered with little tiny towns. First you’ll need to locate Fiery-Competitor-burg. Now look west and see if you can find Whiney-puss-Pink-Hello-Kitty-panties-wearing-pouter-ville. Got it? Right between the two is Drew Tate. Saturday night, I got really tired of hearing just how great a competitor this dude is. “He’s such a leader, Kirk. He read Lance Armstrong’s book and now he can cure cancer with his competitiveness. His jock strap is made out of gold plated chutzpah.” Blah Yada Blah. He’s cost his team yards in the past for spiking the ball because he didn’t like the way the other kids were treating him on the jungle gym. He pounds on the ground, pouts on the sidelines, holds is breath and stomps his feet. Waaaaaaah! (OK, I made up the part about him holding his breath. And the part about the Hello Kitty Panties.) Anyway, the kid annoys me. I did however appreciate his 19 of 41 and 3 interceptions. Daddy Like. As PFEF says, he did get some yards, but with 41 attempts Herky fans would expect to have well over 300 yards in the air.

My post-game recap? Two words. Good Ole Fashioned Ass Whoopin’. I loved it. The Buckeyes went into Kinnick and punched the Hawks right square in the face. Here’s to their crowd though, they’d did their best to stay in the game through the first half or so. There weren’t many Ohio Staters in attendance either. Which means that unlike the “Greatest Fans Ever” in Austin, nobody was selling their tickets. Good for them.

Can we please arrange for Lee “Baby Arm” Corso to don the opponent’s mascot head every week? Lee! Keep it up buddy. Whatever you do, do not read the sport pages. They contain really scary nasty things like commentaries about what really happens during football games and (GASP) stats of said games. You don’t need to bother your pretty bulldog looking head with trivialities such as these. They might help you get a freakin' clue which we wouldn't want you to do. We love that you keep getting it wrong. Next up Lee, Freddie the Falcon. Dope.

By the way, I'm falling in love with Beanie Wells. Really. Does this kid remind anyone else of the Great #27? He had almost 80 yards with one of the carries a 19 yarder. He's not going to carry the mail this season the way Pittman is playing, but I'm very excited about this kid's future.

Lee Corso is a....

What good would a blog that claims to be even a little sportsy be with out at least one entry about the “Keys To The Game?” Who cares, they’re STUPID. My buddies and I joke about it all the time. (click <--)

Mungville State HAS to win the turnover battle to prevail today.

Sillytown U needs to make a bunch of first downs to keep Pimpled Tech on their heals.

Here’s a good one.

The NM Lettuce-Pickers need to take the crowd out of the game early, the longer they let the Border Mounties stay in the game the more dangerous this game will become for them.

Well, No shit.

SCORE MORE POINTS!

This is not to say that there isn’t value or fun in breaking down a game attempting to prognosticate an outcome. Figuratively pitting one team’s secondary to the passing efficiency of the other. It gives me a little tired-head getting too deep into the X’s and O’s but a careless, haphazard and cursory look at the Ohio State @ Iowa game seems appropriate. So here goes.

Neidermeyer. Dead...Marmalard. Dead...Drew Tate……
This kid is good. He didn’t play in the game against Syracuse where the Hawkeyes needed overtime to close the deal but he’s been very solid this year. He’s quick and has a rocket arm. He needs a dag-gum 3 1/2 hour case of Dick-in-the-dirt-itis administered by the OSU defense. He won’t make many mistakes on his own so the boys up front need to make his night rough. The Buckeye secondary has improved game by game this year and look up to the task of wrapping up the Iowa receivers.

Magic Legs
We haven’t seen Troy Smith do much with his feet yet this campaign. In fact, if there has been a called play for Smith to run on purpose, I can't remember it. Look for that this game, if necessary. I’d like to keep those in the quiver for later in the season, say late November. But, good protection for TS and a mobile pocket will afford him a bunch of options.

Look at that little Teddy Run
TG2 hasn’t run a punt or kick off return back yet this year. For those of you scoring at home that’s 16 attempts with out a money shot. That’s enough to make a man very crabby. Love to see that change this weekend.

Teddy and the rest of the receiving corps should have a good night. Iowa’s secondary would have a tough time against them on a good day but they’re banged up right now. Big advantage to the good guys.

Stinky Pinky Locker room
Hayden Fry had the visitor's locker room Iowa's place painted pink many years ago. What affect it has on the visiting team isn’t clear. What is clear though, is what affect it has on a visiting team ranked #1 in the country. BUBKUS! Nada. Zilch. Jack-shit. Iowa has never beaten a #1 team in Kinnick Outhouse.

Ok, I’m spent. Next time I get the urge to do this I think I’ll just try to say something pithy and move on to the prediction. Like this.

So the Bartender says….”Why the long face?”

tOSU – 27 (which means mixing in FG or two , or more likely missing a PAT)
Iowa - 17

XOXOXOXO

Go Buckeyes Beat Iowa

Some Midweek Prattle

I’ve said this before and I'll say it again, I should’ve just kept on walking when I got the handshake. The lovely DH and I went out for a nightcap after gorging on raw fish. Sounds like we are penguins or seals or something….

Shhh! Look! There are the elusive Wild Hopkins’ gorging on fish plucked directly from the icy river. Rarely are we lucky enough to see this happen. Look how they then dip the raw fish into a craftily made mixture of soy sauce and wasabi.

Anyway, I was introduced to this woman who stuck her hand out for a handshake. I said “I’m Andy, How are you?” First off it was a horribly weak handshake, (see Handshakes) but then she took a second before answering me. She was reading my shirt, which happened to be a “Scoreboard” shirt from the Ohio State/Texas asswhoopin’....er....game. She then said, “I don’t like you,” while at the very same time punching me square in the sternum. Hard. I pretended it didn’t hurt but it kinda did. I was thinking this little freak just punched me in the chest exactly 30 seconds after meeting me. Man do I have a touch with the women folk? I’m guessing she’s a Texas fan.

It would probably been ok if she didn’t look like a product of some farm mating experiment gone wrong. Maybe she forgot about one of the steps in the “Stop Drop and Roll” fire escape plan. If Tom Kite and somebody really ugly were performing the “Eiffel Tower” with the only female Oompa Loompa….Ok, enough. Next.

Iowa. Dun dun duhhhhhh!

I’m getting nervous about the pending Ohio State skirmish with Radar O’Rielly’s Iowa Hawkeyes. I’m more nervous about being confident that the Buckeyes will win than about the game. Weird? I just sort of know that we’ll win. That bugs the crap out of me. I’m supposed to be very weary for every game even the cream puffs like Bowling Green or Syracuse. (gotcha JB) The prescription for this malady might just be to go read the Iowa City “We’re hicks from a flat-ass state with nothin’ but corn, but at least we aren’t South Dakota” Times Register Picayune Intelligencer Reporter Coloring Book. There I hope to find some articles talking about how the Hawkeyes are the land mine in the Buckeyes march toward the holy land. I hope I find it, because right now my prediction is that tOSU takes Iowa to their own woodshed and blisters their hind ends through their well-worn overalls. Maybe I'm just a little wound up or possibly it's gas.

More later.

State Penn Blows

State Penn needs an ass-whoopin’ like nobody's business. I mean they need a hide tanning of epic proportions. EPIC! Ohio State needs to go Reginald Denny on their chump asses. The girlie Lions are quickly climbing my ladder of DoucheBagocity toward the pole-sitter scUM. Yeah, yeah, I know, and you’re right. It's partly because they beat the Buckeyes last year in Crappy Valley. But it is also because of their stupid "White-out." And their obnoxious, nearing violent treatment of my sainted parents last year, when they really had my folks fearing for their safety. Assholes. Also contributing to this list is the never-to-be-forgotten-63-14-masacre of 1994. Yep. It’s official. I can’t stand PSU.

I certainly don’t buy in to the “Joe Pa is a great, I hope he can win and go out on top” malarkey. That theory is complete crap. I just want him to go. Retire already would you? I don’t want to get too personal with JP, but he really looks like he smells like banana pudding, Old Spice and feet. Shallow and petty enough for you? How ‘bout the bobblehead pictured herewith? Do you think he’s got editorial control on this item? Damn straight. Did they use his high school graduation picture as the model? He looks more like a skinny John Candy than the two-thousand year old man. I think I’ll make my bobblehead look like Matthew McConaughey, who coincidentally just smells like feet.

Official prediction, keeping in mind that I’m becoming awesome at this prognostication stuff.

Ohio State - 34
State Penn Nitany Suckholes – 13

Go Buckeyes!

Oh by the way. Happy anniversary to the lovely and talented Mrs. H. ILY

Meanderings

Because of traveling and having folks at the house, my awesomely prolific (read crappy) blog has been in need of more words. I’m not sure how these guys who write everyday do it – unless it’s their job. I know a lot of them are teams of dudes who combine talents to put out a blog. Sounds a little like cheating to me, not only because they team up but these bastards have talent. So if I’m not writing as much, the quality of the writing has to be much better, because I'm saving up all the good stuff. Right? Right, just like a nail-gun shot to the testicles is better than a Gatling gun barrage of nail-gun shots to the testicles.

Here are a few quickies.


This guy, a central Ohio resident who was serving in Iraq, has been seen all over the web in the last several months. I love that he has a tOSU flag in Iraq. Secondly, he’s got the little future insurgents spelling out O-H-I-O. Hey, IED making, suicide bombing great nephew of Saddam……O-H.

It is sad however to report that Sgt. Adam Knox of Whitehall, OH was killed in action in Iraq recently. It makes the rah rah college football stuff pretty insignificant. I’ve even seen this referenced on a UM site. I’d like his family to know that their son is being talked about and many are grateful for their sacrifice.




What has to go through a guys mind to say, “Ah, I don’t need that ring anymore, it was only a NCAA National Championship ring.” Ross was a freakin team captain for Pete’s sake. He did kick around in the NFL for a while, so I don’t think he’d need the money. I’d like to have it, though I’d never wear out of the house seeing as how I didn’t earn and all. But how cool would it be to have one? There’s another one on Ebay but you can’t see the players name. It's a shame to see someone feel like it is necessary and OK to let one of these go. It can't have meant much to them to start with. Oh sure, there's the argument that he was there and participated in the game so he's got the memories. Poppycock. I'd want that ring on my finger. It would give me many more opportunities to "Tell you who I am."

Side note: I think it is tremendous that even though it is a National Championship ring, the score of the Game (tOSU v. scUM) is on it. Goes to show how big that game is.

Tomorrow: State Penn @ tOSU prediction. Hold on to your bets until you hear from me.

Tickets? We don't need no stinking....

It's a tough question to answer. What college football team's fans travel the best? Meaning, who has the most folks show up with and without tickets. Obviously my answer would have to be the Banana Slugs of UC Santa Cruz. Of course I think the Buckeyes do. I'm not sure exactly how or why this is though.

Does the Ohio State Alumni Association just have so many folks around the country that they are bound to have a big crowd where ever the team plays? Probably. Or is it because the fan base for the Buckeyes is so fanatical that people will go no matter where it is like Marines hitting a beach? Yep.

Last week in Austin was a great example. Popular estimates were that there were 40,000 Ohio State fans in town for 4,000 allotted tickets. My estimates are that there were 1,000,000 Buckeye fans in town. (I had a few drinks) Really though I do think that 15,000+ OSU fans got into the game. It was the same in Tempe a few years ago. We owned that town. I've never seen another alumni group with this sort of attendance. It's awesome and I'm proud to be part of it.

Pictured above is the scene from UT's basketball arena jam-packed with Ohio Staters. A Texas official said that there were more people there that day than the last UT men's basketball game. I'm not surprised, really. They served BEER.

I'm on the road for work for the weekend. See you Monday.

Hey Buddy, Got a Light?

So I pretty much nailed my prediction about the Buckeyes beating the Longhorns. Well, I got the Bucks score right. Who knew how wonderful a combination of a Frosh QB and a surprisingly not crappy OSU defense would be? Texas was, however, able to run on OSU’s defense, which would be troublesome if we didn’t know that Tressel will take the boys to the woodshed this week and every week following until they actually learn to tackle. More on this trip later, once the pictures are all compiled.

While in Austin last week, it might surprise you to know that I saw nary a single couch on fire. Seriously. Not ONE! What is the matter with these pansy-assed UT fans? Hello?! It is perfectly in order to burn furniture, dumpsters, cars, farts, trees, books, bras or really anything that will hold a flame. Don’t these hicks no how to party “Detroit-style?”

I think this is a relatively new thing. Back in my day we would have an occasional vehicle with MeatChicken plates pass through the campus area, which would obviously have to be overturned. Duh. But I think this lighting shit on fire is genius. It makes Ohio and Ohio State look so very high-toned. I think it really makes our fair city, Columbus, look attractive and wonderful. Just like a Phyllis Diller home made sex tape.

Straighten up Jack-Asses. Go back to Whitehall or GroveTucky. If you are actually a student, drop out and go to MTA or whatever the truck driving academy is and stop cheering for The Ohio State University. We don’t want you. DeVry has a pretty good crop of freshmen this year. Cheer for them.