State Penn Blows

State Penn needs an ass-whoopin’ like nobody's business. I mean they need a hide tanning of epic proportions. EPIC! Ohio State needs to go Reginald Denny on their chump asses. The girlie Lions are quickly climbing my ladder of DoucheBagocity toward the pole-sitter scUM. Yeah, yeah, I know, and you’re right. It's partly because they beat the Buckeyes last year in Crappy Valley. But it is also because of their stupid "White-out." And their obnoxious, nearing violent treatment of my sainted parents last year, when they really had my folks fearing for their safety. Assholes. Also contributing to this list is the never-to-be-forgotten-63-14-masacre of 1994. Yep. It’s official. I can’t stand PSU.

I certainly don’t buy in to the “Joe Pa is a great, I hope he can win and go out on top” malarkey. That theory is complete crap. I just want him to go. Retire already would you? I don’t want to get too personal with JP, but he really looks like he smells like banana pudding, Old Spice and feet. Shallow and petty enough for you? How ‘bout the bobblehead pictured herewith? Do you think he’s got editorial control on this item? Damn straight. Did they use his high school graduation picture as the model? He looks more like a skinny John Candy than the two-thousand year old man. I think I’ll make my bobblehead look like Matthew McConaughey, who coincidentally just smells like feet.

Official prediction, keeping in mind that I’m becoming awesome at this prognostication stuff.

Ohio State - 34
State Penn Nitany Suckholes – 13

Go Buckeyes!

Oh by the way. Happy anniversary to the lovely and talented Mrs. H. ILY