Tuesday, November 07, 2006

We kick Morgantown's ass

All right, there. I said it. I'm tired of defending Columbus. We are without a doubt the best couch-burning-riot-having-redneck-town ever. Morgantown, WV? Please. What other city prepares for the biggest battle since they started making footballs oblong by deputizing the garbage collectors as Couch Sheriffs? So here’s to you, denizens of our fair burg. You make a man proud. From the Dogpatch:

If trash collectors spot a couch, they are asked to call code-enforcement officers. More than 200 citations have been issued since a citywide ban on porch couches began 17 months ago, said Development Director Mark Barbash.

Also. I can’t find this on youtube.com so go to this enemy site and watch a clip from the Daily Show, when they were at The Ohio State University. Funny stuff.


Andy said...

I'm not so sure we are the clear winners. My wife's alma mater, MSU, is clearly filled with couch burning aficionados.

I found this when I Googled "Michigan State couch burning" -> http://www.mercurynews.com/mld/mercurynews/sports/colleges/stanford/15907665.htm

Check out the first paragraph.

That's not to say the riots aren't good at OSU. I was down there when the police were out of control (I believe they provoked much of it) after a home win over ND. I watched bottles fly from balconies on 12th and I was in a basement apartment at a small party on that street when the place filled up with mustard gas (I mean Sarin err…. tear gas – or whatever gas that makes snot and tears uncontrollably come out of every hole in your face).

The Penalty Kill said...

I can dig it. I'm actually pretty sure you are right. We probably aren't the worst, but we are on the map and shouldn't be. I was there during that ND win too. Thankfully I was too hammered to get into much trouble. (weird but true)

It's just too bad that my home town has such a shitty reputation around the country because of this type of behavior. I tell people who comment about it here in Texas that people from WV, MI, and Eastern PA are doing it. They've come for the jobs that all the rich Columbusites don't want.

They're Texans, what do they know.

Anonymous said...

Oh, Mr. Penalty Kill....you have a lot to learn. Have you been to Mo-town during a HUGE loss or HUGE win? It doesn't matter to us redneck-folk which happens. A gameday is a new reason to burn a coach.

Miss ya!