Friday, December 29, 2006

We Are Football Angels

So I get this call from a loyal PK Kool-Aid drinking sycophant on Christmas day. (He really didn’t want to be directly quoted herewith so that’s why “sycophant” makes me giggle.) So anyway, Jim Unnamed Source tells me
"Why do these dumb-ass kids always have to F things up so bad? Pittman and Wells (the good one) were at a goddamn fundraiser last night. A fundraiser!? Are you freaking kidding me? It’s pounded into their heads not to do shit like this. It’s pounded into their parent’s heads too. Dammit. I’m hung over. Pass the Absolut Citron. Shit.”
Bottom line is that we were all at least a little worried that these two kids were going to get suspended for the NC. Thanks to a quick thinking fundraiser attendee, a call to the coaching staff was made and the alarms went off. The players and their families took no money instead donating it the local peewee football program.

The aforementioned dumbasses have been cleared and will play in Arizona. Whew. That was a close one. Maybe tOSU should use some of the bajillion dollars the football program produces to provide 24/7 chaperones for these kids. Or perhaps they could invent a sub dermal chip that detects an impending illegal payment and delivers the player enough volts to make them lose all bowel control immediately with the force of a raging river.

If I don’t make it back here before, Happy New Year to you all. Have fun, be safe.

HT:11W & MotSaG)