Friday, October 06, 2006

BigBuckeye Exposed

Hi, I’m Chris Hansen from Dateline NBC. So what did you plan on doing here this afternoon?

BigBuckeye: Nothing, I was just going to talk.

But your emails to LilSweetBGSU say something different. Don’t they? You said, quote. “BGSU, why don’t you come down to my place and let’s get a little rough.” That sounds like more than just chatting to me.

BigBuckeye: Honestly I just thought BGSU needed a friend.

Then you said: “You should see the size of my defense….Would you like to see my big fat interception machine?” “Maybe you’ll let me lay you flat on your back and embarrass you in front of my friends.” You know that this is just a MAC team don’t you?

BigBuckeye: Yes, but I just wanted to hang out and get some reps for my second stringers.

Really? What did you mean by, “Wait you til I whip out my #10 on you?” And “I can’t wait to lay about 45 points on your ass?” Did you plan to even let BGSU score?

BigBuckeye: Of course, I would let them score 6, maybe even 10. Like I said, I just wanted to be friends.

After this break, Dateline NBC’s “To Catch an Ass-Whooper” we’ll ask BigBuckeye what he was after when he said. “My little Teddy is fast as lightning and will run right up your backside.”

BigBuckeye – 42

LilSweetBGSU - 9

Thursday, October 05, 2006


This is certainly a milestone in blog history, at least in mine. As I mentioned earlier I’m on the road attending a trade show. The milestone comes in since I’ve spent 10 hours on the trade show floor glad handing, then had a three very dry Grey Goose martini dinner meeting and now I’m attempting an entry to The PK. I’ll try to be brief because after a few martinis I might be prone to ramble. Hey, look. The hated Seminoles are losing to NC State in the 4th. See, I told you.

I followed
Double Deuce’s link to the SI article about the depth of tOSU’s receiving corps. I love that kind of pub. The Buckeyes are deep as hell at that position and must be giving defensive coordinators real trouble in game planning. TG2 gets so much attention that Gonzo is the leading pass catcher on the team and there are a bunch of others that need to get defensive looks too. Robiskie and Hartline to name a couple. The Buckeyes are really good at receiver, surprisingly to many.

However, and I might be nitpicking a bit, (see Martinis above,) the SI article says, “in-state rivals Bowling Green.” Rivals? Really? Not even close. First of all, Ohio State hasn’t had any in-state rivals since… Jack Park….in a long damned time. We played BGSU maybe 4 times in school history and won them all? My crack staff tells me that this stat is close to being correct. If you could see the rat-trap hotel in Baltimore at which I’m staying you would definitely agree that I have a “crack” staff. The Buckeyes have only a few opponents that warrant the moniker ‘rival.’ It’s a sacred term reserved for, first of all, scUM. And then in my opinion State Penn, Notre Dame and Otterbein….zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz


….huh? What the….? Sleep. Need Sleep.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Can I retire yet?

Work can really get in the way of the college football season. The powers that be in the trade show world should realize that there are 12 Saturdays in the fall that should be left the hell alone. Don’t schedule your silly conventions, trade show or torture sessions on any one of them. Capiche? At least two times during the Buckeye’s season each year I find myself having to get updates via my cell phone’s internet connection, or running around the convention hall looking for a TV tuned to something other that “Conference Room Assignments at the Turdville Convention Center.” This weekend is one of those weekends. Luckily, it’s the stinko Falcons of Bowling Green.

What’s the line on this one? Probably not the 63 points that Mack Brown’s Longhorns failed to cover last week against Sam Houston State. Mack? Tsk Tsk. Why schedule a game like that? The Big Ten has a history of playing the MAC. This year the two play 19 times, with almost half being hosted by the MAC teams. Oh, and by the way they are a D1 conference. So anyway, the Buckeyes are favored by 35 points. If I have to miss watching a game, this one is the one I’d choose.

It bears noting that the Falcons have played the Buckeyes tough in the past. Now this certainly isn’t the BGSU team that took the Buckeyes to the end the game in 2003. tOSU needed a late turnover to close the deal. That BG team had a ton of seniors but this one doesn’t. So the Buckeyes should clearly kill them.

They make these computers portable now days so I’m strapping it up and taking it with me. I’ll do my best to post while I’m gone. In case I can’t…..Buckeyes 42 – Falcons 6. I reserve the right to amend my prediction, as I will undoubtedly remember that 42 points is a ridiculous amount of points to ask Coach T to roll up.

A thought about going through airport security. Would it be uncool, if when you see a person wearing scUM gear in a line near you, to tell the TSA agent that you saw that person stuff something up their butt? Probably not cool, unless of course it is the week of The Game.

Go Bucks. Work Sucks.

Monday, October 02, 2006

Is this Heaven...

Or the scene of a beating?

If you look on the Iowa map you’ll see something very interesting in a state that is littered with little tiny towns. First you’ll need to locate Fiery-Competitor-burg. Now look west and see if you can find Whiney-puss-Pink-Hello-Kitty-panties-wearing-pouter-ville. Got it? Right between the two is Drew Tate. Saturday night, I got really tired of hearing just how great a competitor this dude is. “He’s such a leader, Kirk. He read Lance Armstrong’s book and now he can cure cancer with his competitiveness. His jock strap is made out of gold plated chutzpah.” Blah Yada Blah. He’s cost his team yards in the past for spiking the ball because he didn’t like the way the other kids were treating him on the jungle gym. He pounds on the ground, pouts on the sidelines, holds is breath and stomps his feet. Waaaaaaah! (OK, I made up the part about him holding his breath. And the part about the Hello Kitty Panties.) Anyway, the kid annoys me. I did however appreciate his 19 of 41 and 3 interceptions. Daddy Like. As PFEF says, he did get some yards, but with 41 attempts Herky fans would expect to have well over 300 yards in the air.

My post-game recap? Two words. Good Ole Fashioned Ass Whoopin’. I loved it. The Buckeyes went into Kinnick and punched the Hawks right square in the face. Here’s to their crowd though, they’d did their best to stay in the game through the first half or so. There weren’t many Ohio Staters in attendance either. Which means that unlike the “Greatest Fans Ever” in Austin, nobody was selling their tickets. Good for them.

Can we please arrange for Lee “Baby Arm” Corso to don the opponent’s mascot head every week? Lee! Keep it up buddy. Whatever you do, do not read the sport pages. They contain really scary nasty things like commentaries about what really happens during football games and (GASP) stats of said games. You don’t need to bother your pretty bulldog looking head with trivialities such as these. They might help you get a freakin' clue which we wouldn't want you to do. We love that you keep getting it wrong. Next up Lee, Freddie the Falcon. Dope.

By the way, I'm falling in love with Beanie Wells. Really. Does this kid remind anyone else of the Great #27? He had almost 80 yards with one of the carries a 19 yarder. He's not going to carry the mail this season the way Pittman is playing, but I'm very excited about this kid's future.