Thursday, August 24, 2006

Your membership in the 9 -- REVOKED!

Poor poor Pluto. All it ever did as a “planet” was hang around your anus, er I mean Uranus. It’s just this little latecomer to the Planet Party, doin’ its thing way out there in its gigantic orbit. Now these know-it-all astronomers say it is nothing more than a “Dwarf Planet.” Maybe they should stick to telling me when Mercury is in retrograde for the Pisces man or what the heck it means when the moon is in the 10th house. (That could be astrology, so never mind)

Pluto probably should have seen it coming. Its discovery in 1930 was pretty forced anyway. Folks were looking for a ninth planet and when some cat named Lowell decided that this icy little rock was it. It has a funky-assed orbit that crosses the path of Neptune and it kinda wobbles like tire with out all its lug nuts. This makes Neptune the farthest planet from the sun for 20 years every 248. Not a good way to impress the neighbors.

Schoolbooks and the teachers who rely on them are ruined. Get the White Out ready. Useless too are the cute little mnemonics we used to learn the order of the planets. “Mr. Vigoda Eagerly Made Justine Saddle Up Nine Ponies.” What the hell is Justine going to do now?

Truthfully, I couldn’t care less. It’s no skin off my nose. I think, however, it is a very funny visual imagining the eggheads at the International Astronomical Union (IAU) having “years of intense debate.”

Is not!

Is too!



Shut up!



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