Thursday, August 10, 2006

Rules For Buckeye Fans

This list is not my original work though I'd like to claim much of it. I'm partial to the section spelling out when it is OK to shed a tear. More so, is the "Rest easy Woody, the New man has arrived." Which if memory serves is an actual quote from Keith Jackson after the Buckeyes took the National Championship away from Miami in the Fiesta Bowl. It still gives me goose bumps.

This list is longish, thankfully I don't pay for the server space. Go BUCKS! O-H!

- Never agree to get married on a Saturday Ohio State is scheduled to play football. There are typically 40 other freakin' weekends to choose from...make her/him choose one of those!
- Never attend a wedding during an Ohio State football game unless you carry a TV......and watch it even during the ceremony.
- It is OK to wear an OSU football jersey even when old....and fat....and bald. Extra points if you've got an OSU baseball cap on backwards.
- Always, and I mean ALWAYS, return any "O...H" with a hearty "I...O." This is true even during funerals, sex, in foreign countries or when witnessing the birth of your child.
- When Notre Dame plays Michigan, it is mandatory to despise both teams. There are no winners. Except the ambulance.
- You despise the following teams equally after scUM: Michigan,ND, USC, Miami (that's Florida), and Bama, FSU
- It is OK to be emotional (and even "tear" up) during the following:
* Script Ohio
* Your child's first Buckeye game
* Carmen Ohio
* During a Tressel speech
* Listening to "I want the Buckeyes"
* Remembering Woody
* After beating Michigan
* Winning the National Championship
* Hearing the phrase, "Rest easy Woody, the new man has arrived."
* Ramp entrance
- Never listen to Brett Musberger or Keith Jackson on TV. It's okay to watch the game while listening to 1460 on the radio.
- Always provide a loud “Go Bucks” when NFL Buckeyes state on MNF that they are from "THE" Ohio State University.
- It is not cool to make fun of the Neutron Man. Especially now that he is watching games with Woody.
- Buckeye necklaces must be worn at all times on game day from the time you leave your place of abode until you return.
- Always take off your hat during Carmen Ohio and physically remove the hats of anyone in your vicinity who fails to do so.
- Everyone should rush the field after an OSU home victory over Michigan at least once in their lifetime. (Extra kudos for those of you who rushed the field at IU and tore down THEIR goalposts a few years ago...c'mon you know who you are!).
- Attending Skull Session is mandatory at least once each season.
- ESPN employees must be verbally taunted at every opportunity.
- We must all pray that the next president of OSU has more of a clue than the present one.
-When you die, you must have at least one item of Buckeye memorabilia with you. (Specify which one in your will, that way your spouse won't pick something stupid).
- You must be willing to die to defend your right to drink beer during tailgates.
- You are forbidden to fall for the National Media crap sandwich that Joe Pa is still a "good guy." In reality, he is a bitter, senile old man reduced to a cheerleader and referee-baiter.
- Recruiting must be followed as intensely as any game. This is true even if it puts your job/career at risk.
- Attend the Spring Game. It makes it easier to survive the summer.
- When in church, it is not sacrilegious to count being a Buckeye as one of your blessings.
- Try to never boo a former or current Buckeye football player.
- When making fun of guys in marching bands always caveat your comments with a statement that, regardless of what you just said, anyone in TBDBITL is very cool.
- Admit that secretly, you wished you played tuba and could dot the "i." (Like my Dad did) You'd even be willing to put on a few dozen pounds to look the part. (Like my Dad did, sorry Dad couldn't help it.)
- You would not trade the opportunity to swill beer while listening to The Danger Brothers after an OSU victory over Michigan for tickets to any rock band that has ever existed.
- It is important to consider the "good old days" ARE NOW. Enjoy them even when OSU doesn't win the National Championship.
- Scarlet and Gray always works. Maize and Blue is always gay. Not that there is anything wrong with that.
- Drinking alcohol before 9:00 A.M. is, at best, immature, and likely, a sign of a serious problem. Except on game day.
- It is never ok to talk to a stranger at the urinal next to you unless he is dressed in OSU garb. That said, the topic should be limited to Buckeye football.
- There are no bad seats in OHIO Stadium.If you attend a game at Wisconsin, you must never engage in "Jump Around" at the end of the third quarter no matter how tempting.
- If your wife asks you what was the greatest night of your life, admit the truth that it was January 3, 2003.
- Plant a Buckeye tree in your yard.
- Hang a Buckeye flag on game day. If any of your neighbors counter with a Michigan flag, it is your solemn duty to tear it down and deface it anyway you see fit.
- It is "ok" to not get the drum major thing; it is "not ok" to fail to cheer when the plume touches the field.- In honor of Woody, the principle of "paying forward" should be practiced at all times by all Buckeyes.

1 comment:

CornellHop said...

Thanks for the plug regarding dotting the "i". It was better than sex, food, marriage (2), and helping to make the author of this blog.