Ahem.

Please go here: Down and Distant for the same great insight and writing from me, PK, and many more amazing writers and thinkers.

(Except in place of "great insight and writing" put 'more of the same shitty slacking'. And in place of "from me, PK" put 'this strikingly handsome and wildly sexy manly man.' And finally instead of "amazing writers and thinkers" use 'douchebags and half-wits')

WTF

Since the football Buckeye's season has wound down, (read screeched to a horrifying halt with all the subtlety of a prison rape.) I’ll be taking a bit break from The Penalty Kill. I’ll be back from time to time to keep you honest but most of my blogging efforts (until next football season) will now reside at Down And Distant. It’s group of dudes who find themselves funny, whether it’s true or not is something entirely different and I would prefer to keep my head securely in the sand on that one, thank you.

Thanks for your visits and comments. It’s really an honor that so many folks stop by here to see if I’ve managed to throw down some idle thoughts or some such. Please stop by and check out Down and Distant. If it sucks, your retinas will only be sore for a while.

We’ll be working on the graphics and format as we go, but we needed to get something up because, as you know, you can’t hold back comedy like this.

Thanks
PK

Snow day

Did you stop by to take a look at my giant cock? I'm so sorry, I couldn’t resist. I saw this picture and had to use it somehow. It’s a giant chicken, get it? Also it appears that Coke is kicking the crap out of Pepsi in this town. (The first sentence ought to make my Statcounter search words interesting)

I have just a couple of seconds to check in today. We’ve got an actual snow and ice day here in Dallas, so I am working from home. I’m actually working this time. I know, shocking. So no sportsy stuff today. I know what you are saying, 'Hey PK, when the hell do you do any sportsy stuff in the first place.' Yeah, yeah, yeah....eat it. Anyway, more later. Keep warm.

PK

All Growsed up

In an effort to provide you the loyal PK devotee the best, most diverse blogging ever more words from different folks. We’ve scoured the land looking for the brightest literati dudes taking time away from pounding away with "Five Fingers" McFisty to spend a little time with you. First off is good pal and mental giant who can dunk a basketball as easily as he can a donut.

Buckeye Savant, the floor is yours….

The underrated role of the underdog

Unlike Sweet Polly (or Sweet Pauly - if you roll that way), most of us tend to disregard the advantages associated with being an underdog. Monday night's BCS National Championship Game (or, as Buckeye Nation now refers to it, "The Disaster in The Desert") was the most recent - and maybe most glaring - example of this. Although it can be argued that there were a hundred reasons the Bucks rolled over and took it like Ned Beatty, I'd like you, oh humble PK habitué, to consider the main reason for the loss was the motivation Florida took from being named a seven point (under) dog. As strange as it seems to draw so much motivation from an external source, like the dreaded media, the perceived lack of respect is a very strong incentive for 18-22 year olds. Head Gator Urban Meyer said as much in his post-game press conference when he thanked the media for making his pre-game speech easy. On the other side, Cheaty McSweatervest had no such powerful message for his boys and it showed. Florida's players hit harder, ran faster, and wanted it way more than their Ohio State suckwads counterparts. With so much on the line, it seems illogical to think the #1 team in the country could lay gi-freakin-normous brontosaurus egg. But, then again, logic has always been overrated.

Savant: "Fourteen points? That's all we got was fourteen goddamn points?"
PK: "Hey - you can't GD in your first blog entry!"
Savant: "Suck it!"

Remember that one time...

...we went to Arizona and got donkey punched like a bitch?

As you have read before the lovely and talented Mrs. PK and I went to the “Disaster in the Desert” with some friend and family. The following is a photo-journalist account that would make a superhero with the powers of Annie Leibovitz and Edward R. Murrow lie down in the fetal position and wish for their happy place. It’s actually just a handful of photos of such questionable quality, that you might think that a kid pretending to take a picture with a View-Master was to blame. Anyway, on with the show.

Two of the highlights of the weekend were the Buckeye Bash Pep Rally at Chase Field on Sunday, and that other event at the Univ. of Phx Silver Spaceship on Monday. Prior to the Pep Rally there was, if you can imagine the thought, a chance to drink at a stadium-side bar. Before that though, we had to park. This is the ONLY point during the weekend we had a chance against from someone from the south. Please meet Alejandro. He was fair in his pricing and provided a tremendously sweet parking space. (and the car was still there upon departure.)

As mentioned we had an opportunity to quench our parched throats at a lovely establishment next door to the event. You couldn’t swing a dead skunk-bear without hitting 25 Buckeye revelers (literally over 1000 at this one place.) Among the Buckeyes in attendance was one Pete Johnson, the reason Archie has two Trophies and also the reason Bill Gates is considering buying Taco Bell. I don't know who the two Douchie MacDouchingtons are pictured with Pete.

Inside this place at the bar a couple of dudes brought their own ash tray/spittoon/gum holder with them. I couldn’t help wondering why they were making a big deal over scUM at this particular time, but I did enjoy the spirit of the whole idea.

Reports from the Buckeye Bash were that Ohio State SHOWED UP. Somewhere in the neighborhood of 37,000 fans were in the ballpark. It was truly a beautiful site. So much so, that a traveling buddy of mine who prior to this event an impartial observer became a full on Buckeye Kool-Aid drinker after witnessing it. He even took part in the booing of Karen A-Hole Brook.

Things get a little fuzzy from this point on Sunday evening. I know we went to an Indian Casino with money and left with no money. We did however make them take some of the money for Fire Water. Fire Water make Penalty Kill gamble like dumbass. Anyone else? Then later that night I found myself involved in a luggage cart race that would have made Dale Earnhardt nervous (too soon?)

Then on Monday, the only thing to talk about is that we had great parking with a ton of Ohio State tailgaters and we had decent seats. The seats we bought were supposed to be in the very last row in the corner of the end zone. Imagine our surprise when we found our seats. Great seats to see the complete dismantling of a season. 15 seconds of joy, then a lot of shit eating.

I'll be adding a couple of contributors to the PK soon as we get a second site up and running. I expect them to be funny and insightful. That way this site will once and for all be funny and insightful.

For now

PK out

We're off

I really want to be a stat guy and/or a real sportsy blogger dude. Ain't happenin. That would be like asking Jay Leno to be funny, Cheerleaders to be unSexy, or O.J. Simpson to stop cutting peoples heads off. (Allegedly)

But I do have feelings. Gut feelings. And my gut is in a freaking mess about this game in the desert on Monday. I mean I am a wreck. I don't think this is going to end well. Remember that one time when Ohio State was in the National Championship against Miami? That one time when tOSU was a prohibitive underdog? And the Buckeyes SHOCKED the world? It seems the entire world thinks the Buckeyes are in the same position as MiHammy was then. I swear on the rock hard soul of Johnny Cash that I am scared to death of the Florida Gaytors. (funny spelling, I know. I’m a comic genius)

Here are some facts. (and by facts I mean stuff I'm either making up or I think I heard one time)

They're from the freakin SEC. How's the Buckeye's bowl game record against the SEC. 3 words SHHHHIIIIIITTTTTTY!

Has any team ever won after more than 50 days off. I don't think so. Check it out stat-boy. Answer no.

Of the last 5 Heisman winners who have played for the NC, only 1 has won. Matt "knock a baby up in a hot basketball playah" Leinart

Conclusive evidence that Ohio State is going to get a damn Gator enima? Am I overly nervous and freaked out by being in another National Championship in this decade? Am I looking for something to mitigate the ridiculously over-confident Buckeye-fandom I keep hearing? YES. YES. And YES.

I'm truly freaked. Even the beautiful and talented Mrs. PK thinks the Buckeyes are going to get rolled. She goes on guts too. Damn it. Of course we both hope we are wrong.

We leave today to party in Arizona. If you are going out to the game, look for the wife and me. We'll be the ones in Scarlet and Gray cheering our asses off.

Until next time, from the desert.

GO BUCKEYES!

PK out.

Fourth & Short Jesus

If I was any good at this blogging thing I would have been all over how bad Notre Dame blows and they would be made to look a ginormaous South Bend Steamer last night in the Sugar Bowl. It’s nice however that stalwarts like Jeff at BBC are on it like Charlie Weiss on bag full of burritos. Check out just how overrated the Irish are and have been. By the way Jeff, you wrote that thing at 3am. Go to bed will you? Give the rest of us slackers a chance. Damn.


Facts are that I’m not really putting my heart and soul into this blog, but rather trying to perfect my newest invention, The Automatic Cheerleader Upskirt Television Recorder TIVO Device Thingie. It’s a working title for my newest creation that will once and for all prevent missing beauties like the USC Song Girl Megan’s fancy little twirl.



I’m way behind posting this but that’s the point of my new genius invention. Whether I’m home or not this little devil will be scouring the airwaves for the fruits of the perv cameraman everywhere. It might also make it so you can look for “Lee Corso is a penis” signs and other such greatness.

Our little trip to the desert is nigh upon us. We are outta here on Saturday for some serious pregame revelry. I’ll stop by tomorrow to throw down some really haphazard and shoddy analysis and prognostication.

I’m good at haphazard and shoddy.

PK